
How Therapy Homework Can Enhance Your Progress
The term "homework" can feel burdensome for many clients, often conjuring memories of school assignments, deadlines, and the pressure of juggling additional responsibilities. These associations can create resistance, making it more challenging to engage with therapeutic exercises.
For the purpose of this blog post, I will be using the term "homework," as it is more readily understood. However, you might find it more refreshing to use alternatives like "practice," "exercise," or even "homeplay," which can better capture the spirit of exploration and growth. If you have any sticky feelings about the concept or the word "homework," I encourage you to share them with your therapist. This openness can spark fruitful discussions and lead to a deeper understanding of your therapeutic journey.
Understanding Therapy Homework: A Collaborative Approach to Change
Therapy does not exist in a vacuum. Change unfolds beyond the confines of a 50-minute session; it is influenced by countless variables that shape your perception of progress. Today, we’ll delve into just one facet of this intricate puzzle: homework.
Traditionally, therapy homework has been viewed as a mere checklist of tasks handed out by therapists. In my practice, however, I perceive it as a collaborative invitation—an opportunity to enrich your insights and experiences. It’s always optional and never punitive. Consider it a chance to integrate what we’ve explored in our sessions into your everyday life, rather than just another tedious chore.
Homework is designed to supplement and enhance our work together, not to become an additional source of dread. It should be flexible, allowing you to pivot, redesign, or question your approach as needed. Research supports this perspective, demonstrating that engaging with these practices can yield significant benefits. Studies in relational therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy reveal that completing therapeutic tasks outside of sessions is linked to improved emotional regulation and overall progress (Keng et al., 2011). Remember, homework should enhance our collaborative efforts, not overwhelm you.
Addressing Accessibility and Individual Needs
It’s essential to recognize that traditional homework may not be accessible to everyone, given the diverse life circumstances and individual abilities we each navigate. Some clients may face barriers such as limited time, financial constraints, or health challenges. By acknowledging and integrating these factors, we can ensure that homework serves as a supportive tool rather than an added source of stress.
Additionally, homework must be culturally relevant; the assigned tasks should resonate with your unique context and experiences, making the practice truly meaningful.
These are all important aspects to discuss with your therapist at the beginning of your work together, as addressing them helps tailor the approach to best fit your needs and goals.
Examples of Homework: From Structured to Unconventional
Homework can take many forms, ranging from structured and traditional tasks to unstructured and unconventional ones. Here are some examples to inspire your practice:
Structured: Completing a worksheet that guides you through your feelings after a significant life transition, such as starting a new job.
Informal: Noticing how you feel before, during, and after substance use, or practicing asking someone for help when you need it.
Behavioural: Journaling about your thoughts and feelings after therapy sessions or engaging in a body-based release, such as shaking, to help move energy through your system.
Reflective: Setting aside time to identify three things you’re grateful for each day or reflecting on a recent challenge and the lessons learned from it.
Ritualistic: Engaging in ancestral practices or ritualizing grief by creating a small memorial space to honor your losses.
he key is to tailor these assignments to fit your unique needs and current challenges. If you find yourself agreeing to do homework but not following through, it may indicate that 'fawning' is at play.
Understanding Fawning and People-Pleasing in Therapy
Fawning—the instinct to please others—often manifests as people-pleasing. This desire for approval or avoidance of conflict can lead you to suppress your own needs and feelings, impacting both your therapy sessions and daily life.
The costs of fawning in therapy may include:
Avoiding Authenticity: When you focus on what you think your therapist wants to hear, it might prevent you from expressing your true feelings and concerns.
Hindered Progress: If you’re not honest about your experiences, our work together may not fully address your needs, ultimately limiting your growth.
Conversely, addressing fawning offers benefits such as:
Increased Awareness: Recognizing this tendency empowers you to voice your needs and establish healthier boundaries.
Deeper Connection: By embracing authenticity, you foster a genuine therapeutic alliance that enhances the healing process.
If you notice patterns of fawning or people-pleasing in your interactions, consider discussing them with your therapist. This reflection can be a valuable step toward reclaiming your voice and fostering personal growth. It may also illuminate other areas in your life where you might fawn, creating further opportunities for exploration. Keep a keen eye on fawning; if left unchecked, it can lead to resentment toward therapy and a sense of dread about engaging in the process.
Balancing Desire for Progress and Time Constraints
Clients often desire meaningful change but may struggle to find the time or motivation for homework. This paradox can create tension between the aspiration for growth and the reality of busy schedules. In our modern lives, with constant demands on our time and attention, even the idea of engaging in something perceived as effortful—like homework—can feel overwhelming. The pressures of work, family, and social obligations can leave little room for self-reflection and personal growth.
However, if time truly is the barrier, consider adjusting homework to something brief and flexible. Even simple practices, like taking one deep breath before responding in a heated conversation or setting a three-minute timer for a quick grief practice, can be incredibly powerful.
Research indicates that intrinsic motivation plays a significant role in the effectiveness of homework assignments (Ryan & Deci, 2017). Engaging in an activity for its own sake—discovering personal relevance and fulfillment in the process—is crucial for homework to resonate and have a lasting impact.
It’s important to remember that the effectiveness of homework isn't measured by its length or complexity. Sometimes, the simplest tasks yield the most surprising results. What truly matters are your intention, commitment, and consistency. This approach minimizes barriers to trying, allowing you to integrate these practices into your life more easily.
As you reflect on this, consider: if you find it difficult to make time for just one breath or a few minutes to enrich your work, how realistic is it that you’ll be able to carve out time for yourself in the future?
The Collectivist Perspective on Homework
As we delve into the role of homework, it’s crucial to understand its connection to broader cultural narratives. In a society that often prioritizes individualism and self-development, there can be a tendency to chase progress at the expense of appreciating the whole. However, when we view homework through a collectivist lens, we see its effects extending beyond the individual.
Embracing homework as a generative practice allows us to shift our focus from mere productivity to the positive ripple effects it can create in our lives. This perspective not only fosters personal growth but also strengthens our relationships and deepens our connections, reminding us that we are not isolated beings.
For example, if your homework is to ask someone for help this week—something you might typically shy away from—this simple act can open doors to unexpected connections. Sometimes, homework serves as the gentle nudge we need to step outside the confines of our own minds and engage more fully with the world around us.
The Therapeutic Alliance and the Therapeutic Window: The Core of Therapy
The most profound work in therapy unfolds within the therapeutic window—the sacred space we share during our sessions. Here, the therapeutic alliance blossoms, creating an environment rich in trust, empathy, and collaboration. This bond acts as a gentle guide, inviting you to explore your innermost thoughts and emotions. In this space of openness, truth-telling, emotional support, and collaborative problem-solving flourish. Research highlights that this alliance is a vital healing factor in therapy, fostering an atmosphere of safety where transformation can truly take root (Norcross, 2011).
As your therapist, I deeply value the importance of respecting your boundaries and comfort levels. I want to reassure you: you are not doing therapy "wrong" if you choose not to engage in homework. Remember, this journey is uniquely yours, and what matters most is that you feel supported and understood as we navigate it together.
Empowered Decision-Making and Continuous Growth
Resistance to new tasks is a normal part of the therapeutic process. Our brains are naturally wired to resist change, even when that change is beneficial. This resistance can manifest as procrastination or avoidance. A skilled therapist will help you navigate these feelings, offering support and understanding without adding undue pressure.
Here’s something to try (a gem I picked up from my mentor): if you have therapy homework and find yourself unable or unwilling to do it for any reason, acknowledge that choice and own it. Take a moment to sit with it and feel how it resonates within you. Then, bring this decision to your next therapy session for discussion. I won’t be mad at you; I won’t think you’re lazy or unserious about your healing. Your empowered choice and autonomy are admirable.
Moving Forward with Compassion and Flexibility
If you’re navigating grief, trauma, or major life transitions and want to explore how therapy homework might support your progress, I can help. As a Registered Nurse Psychotherapist specializing in grief counselling and trauma-informed therapy, I’m here for residents of Ontario. Book a free 15-minute consultation call with me today, and let’s find your path forward together.
References
Keng, S. L., Smoski, M. J., & Robins, C. J. (2011). Effects of mindfulness on psychological health: A review of empirical studies. Clinical Psychology Review, 31(6), 1041-1056.
Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2017). Self-determination theory: Basic psychological needs in motivation, development, and wellness. Guilford Press.
Norcross, J. C. (2011). The therapeutic alliance: An evidence-based approach. American Psychological Association.